I used to spend my lunchtimes with the reddest of red apples and whitest of centres, whilst birds would sit around me.
I used to sit with nature and just take it all in with a nice book on a sunny day.
I used to cloud watch and paint.
I never left home without my sketchbook.
I used to make daisy chains whilst wearing summer dresses in patches of grass.
I used to run along the beach towards the water and run back before the waves touched my feet with a mischevious glare and giggle.
I used to be passionate about nothing.
I used to fall in love with life whilst those observing would fall in love with my attitude towards basic instincts in life.
I used to sit and observe with a mysterious subconscious wondering about people, and making up stories for strangers life and what may have brought them to that place that day.
where has that girl i used to know so well gone? I need to find her again.
I used to be me. And i never cared what anyone thought.
Now i've been consumed by some sort of outer me, who just thinks i'm not good enough. who doubts herself all the time.
I've fallen for someone so deeply that i've let everything they've done consume everything i used to be.
I have no self esteem anymore.
No radiance.
I've lost myself and became what someone else expected.
I've been thrown from a world of swings and dreams into a world of adult lifestyle. Realising that the innocent me has to grow up and realise theres a whole other world guys want.
I've gone from having a cheeky smile about everything i used to love, to having tears due to everything i'd been shut out from.
Is this really what i want? I never realised someone could make me grow up so fast.
And yet, i'm entirely me when i'm with a certain boy. He brings out that side of me. A side i thought was gone. It's the best of both worlds. I'm between the girl i used to be and the one i'm becoming.
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