the fifteenth

day one of trials: tossed and turned at night, woke up with a throbbing headache, had blurry vision in exam. oh and yeah, fucked up already on day one.

usually i wouldn't care, but i actually wanted to keep my ranking in english, i worked so hard this past year (fair enough, it was the only subject i actually tried), but the texts were good and i honestly enjoyed it. My creative writing story was apparently according to my teacher one of the best short stories she's come across, and what do i do.. i get in the exam and forget the whole fucking thing. Then there's my prepared essay, i had it word for word planned out, topic sentences and everything, what do i do... oh yeah, i forget the whole fucking thing as soon as they say 'you may begin'. I don't do well under pressure at all.

There's always that kid that you look across the hall in the exam and they're staring into space or at the clock and then in the last 10 minutes madly trying to finish an essay when they wasted over 30 minutes just thinking about life... yeah i'm that kid.

But there's no use being disappointed, you can't turn back time. I usually don't really give a fuck about school to be honest, i mean i skip class constantly, i haven't attended a religion lesson for i don't even know how long and the teacher is always chasing after me asking me where i was, i used to ditch ancient a whole lot too until they moved me to another class and now i don't have a need to ditch i just sit there having chat sessions with maxwell, tash, camilla, alana and ally. i don't skip class cause i cbf to go to class or something, but more because i just feel like i need to get out of there and think.

But mostly i can only blame myself i mean i have every social networking site possible. i always have the same windows open: myspace, facebook, twitter, skype, hotmail, msn, youtube, blogging, oh and my daily amount of random googling. maybe if i actually got off the net once in a while and did some work then maybe i'd be better off.

But then again that's like telling an addict to stop taking his daily shot, pretty soon withdrawals kick in, you give in and you're back to square one.

why put yourself through that? plus i've been told i have a very addictive personality, i become addicted easily and quickly. haha NO! not to people and in a creepy way, but more to items, non living things lol.